I can't help it. I will always choose authenticity over clarity. Whether it's a gift or a curse, who knows? I'm currently withholding judgement.
I've spent the first twelfth of 2024 trying to write succinctly about 2023. Hemming and hawing, I have approached my subject from various angles, to no real avail. Each perspective inevitably opens up into a larger network, full of wormholes and dérives, becoming big and cumbersome, difficult to describe or contain. I don't want to neatly summarize the year. And even if I did, I can't.
So here is a glimpse into my 2023 in images, music and some words, too. Many of the words here are pulled from snippets of my own writing throughout the year, from emails, morning pages, and the many unhinged musings on my notes app (affectionately dubbed Lauren's Deep Thoughtz). Other people's writing is included, too--bits that were particularly impactful. A time capsule may be the wrong way to categorize this. An interactive mind map or choose-your-own-adventure may be more accurate. Many of the images also link elsewhere, so go ahead and get a little lost.
As ever. Onward.
Anyhow, in this interview on
On Being
from 2021, Krista Tippet brings up the relationship between the word
"humus" and "human" and "humor". I haven't dug into it yet (haha,
accidental pun!!) but I think that humility must come from the same root
word for "groundedness". The other interview with Simard, was this one,
from just recently
https://freakonomics.com/podcast/how-smart-is-a-forest/
"Let us return, then, as we do in times of grief, for the sake of pleasure, but mostly for the need for relief, to art. Or whatever. To music, to poetry, to paintings and installations, to TV and the movies."
--Ling Ma, Severance
I'm a painter, but, in my mind, music is the art form most capable of compressing time and space. Suspended in the nostalgic formaldehyde of music, time's forward march bends into an infinite, spiralic pretzel. If we can find that sweet spot in the music, we can hover for a minute in between past and present, adjacent and tense, almost (but not) touching
F*ck the Reaper
Our life is part folly, part wisdom. Whoever writes about it only
reverently and according to the rules leaves out more than half of it.
-Montaigne
Mood Ring 
I had some synchronicity this week with the U-shaped happiness curve. Have you all heard of this? I first heard of it on this Next Big Idea podcast with Anna Sale
that I listened to maybe 2 weeks ago. Then on Thursday, Shannon
Stratton (not sure if y'all follow her--she's a Canadian artist and
curator that used to run three walls in Chicago) posted about this same U-shaped curve in this IG post. This part really struck me:
"But in actuality, I
have found the opposite to be true. Instead of foundational confidence, I
find myself questioning everything about the self I thought I was and
knew. I am reconsidering everything, mutating as I go.
James
Hollis who writes powerfully about middle age, said: “If our work or
life does not support our soul, then the soul will extract its butcher’s
bill elsewhere.” In reading Hollis, Jung and other texts on mid-life, I
am compelled by the idea that middle-age is when we begin living for
ourselves. In other words, we finally shed those parts that were acting
for our parents or others whose influence on our life had the effect of
defining our paths. This inflection point – mid-life – is when we might
emerge from the ash in our final form. If we are not living our values
or purpose or expressing our passion in meaningful ways, we are living
someone else’s purpose. I would imagine some of us discover more clarity
around purpose as we do the research of living, our specific purpose
evolving and changing with time and experience."
I was first introduced to Bandsplain in early 2023, February or March. That said, I didn't really get into listening regularly until summer, in late June. So, in December, when my Spotify Wrapped let me know that I was in the top 1% of listeners, I was slightly scared but mostly impressed with myself. What can I say? My second favorite podcast is
The Astrology Podcast, so I think that we can all agree that I like 3-4 hour long deep dives into various subjects. Here are a few of my favorite episodes, in no particular order:
What is required is a theatre without spectators, where those in attendance learn from as opposed to being seduced by images; where they become active participants as opposed to passive voyeurs.
Jacques Rancière, The Emancipated Spectator
Today, we'll begin with a quote from Sanford Biggers, found in the book "Academie X: Lessons in Art and Life", page 33:
"To
succeed and survive as an artist, one must develop serious
perseverance, strength of character, an unshakable work ethic and
confidence. Artistic trends, attitudes and appreciation change
frequently, so you must be able to see beyond the successes and failures
you experience. Understanding where you are in relationship to other
artists is useful; however, do not allow it to turn into envy or
self-doubt. When I was beginning I was advised by a mentor: 'Only be an
artist for the love of art and the act of creation. Nothing else is
promised.' Accolades, fame and fortune may come and go, and that's only
if you're lucky."
On the run from Johnny law. ain't no trip to Cleveland
Dignan, Bottle Rocket
"...talk hard. I like that. I like the idea that a voice can just go somewhere uninvited and just kinda hang out...a dirty thought in a nice clean mind...."
pump up the volume
I've been making playlists as artist dates
Hildegard of Bingen Composes the Cosmos
by Alex Ross
strike a bat gently
"If someone has jaundice, strike a bat gently, so it does not die." Hildegard, new yorker
"The
blurring of meaning into sound has the effect of pulling language into
the nocturnal landscape of music, where, in Hildegard's view, ultimate
truth resided".
the strongbox of the ancient heart
"These are the earmarks of an ambitious composer who is pushing the limits of the singable".
"here
is the essence of the art of composing: the ability to conceive music
in architectural terms, as a shaping of sound through time".
footloose and pump up the volume 80s 90s teenage rebellion, dance and music
"music is the language of god; only the devil would seek to forbid it"
Attitude
Notes for today:
"Time may change me.
But I can't trace time."
--David Bowie, Changes
“I get very hyper in schools because I feel like I have so much to say. Painters in art colleges are so anxious. They don’t know it’s OK just to paint. Because ‘just painting’ is not nothing. It’s huge and hard just to paint, just to be free.”
--Elizabeth Peyton, Elizabeth
Peyton:The exceptional portrait painter, The Gentlewoman.co uk, 2013
Elizabeth Peyton
The Dorchester, 1972 (David Bowie), 2002, colored pencil on paper, 8 5/8 x 6 in., from Vitamin D: New Perspectives in Drawing
"I listen to music all of the time. It is a huge inspiration to me. There is emotion in it that is immediate and transcendently human but at the same time not always literal. Mostly I listen to music in the studio - sometimes the same song or CD for days and days. When I have people over for a sitting I like to put on a band or musician I can have on for hours so the mood is continuous. Usually this turns out to be David Bowie or Bob Dylan or in the last year, the Ring."
from Elizabeth Peyton's Mood Music, phaidon.com
Montaigne's birth chart
February 28, 1533 approx. 11:30 am
As you and I both know, there is no perfect
reflection. Memory warps and wavers. I remember the excitement, the joys and tragedies. The
banal, repetitive daily tasks, the little moments of nothing are lost in the
shuffle between extremes. The tragic events towards the end of the year feel
close and sour the whole. I can hardly recall anything of the early months. When
I reflect on the year in my mind, I envision a massive hairball of sensations.
Oprah liked it and so did I. Some reviewers complained that it was too long (I'm looking at you,
New York Times), but I wholeheartedly disagree. In fact, I will be waiting, not very patiently, for Nathan Hill's next 600 page novel, even if it is another six years in the making. Highly recommend for those that are middle-aged, those that have ever been middle-aged and those that will one day be middle-aged.
"And the story I heard was that sometimes---rarely, but sometimes---your soul encounters other souls out on their own journeys. And so when you meet someone in real life who feels really familiar to you, who feels just, bam, instantly recognizable, it's because your souls have already met, at night."
--Wellness, page 122
